Will it buzz? Will it ring?
Will it do anything?
How my life depends on those absent friends
That I've met on my phone.

There was Don, he would call
And talk to me anytime at all.
In the night, in the day,
Making me laugh with his funny way.

Fortunes change. Don is gone.
It was sad but life goes on.
Maybe its tonight, if the stars are right,
That I'll meet my man on my phone.

George was nice, so was Hal.
I wonder how they're doing now.
John was strange. So was Paul.
I didn't like him not at all.

It's been weeks since I've had
A phone call from Philippe or Brad.
Oh dear, can it be they've grown tired of me,
Men I've met on my phone.

So I've vowed to be strong.
Won't let these strange men lead me on.
Why can't I live alone.
I'll make this soft heart turn to stone.

Men are bad. Men are cruel.
Men are connivers as a rule.
Yes, I hate them all. Short or thin or tall.
Let it ring away. Let it ring all day.
I won't answer my phone.